自己寫的英文小遙介紹,如果有錯文法請指教

may_ag

May is a daughter of Gym leader Norman  . Her career is a coordinator.
when her started her tainer'sife,she met Ash and  ill Pikachu.
After they cured Pikachu ,they became friends and traveled  together.
She was expected to become a trainer ,and  followed in her father's footsteps.
However,Had been the  assistiant of Janet in a contest,She started to love contest.She decided to become a coordinator.

Few day after may has met Ash,Block and Her younger borther Max joined their journey.
May often quarrel with Max,However,they love each other in their heart.
One day ,Max was lost,May willed to give up her Grand Festival (final contest) in order to find him .

待星期三續
May has even pokemons,including Blaziken, Skitty, Beautifly, Munchlax, Bulbasaur, Eevee, Squirtle.
Blaziken is May first pokemon,he was given by Professor Brich.
In the journey, May met skitty, Bulbasaur ans Squirtle respectively, they decided to go with May.
May thought Janet's Beautifly was very lovely,therefore the she  captured a   wurmple and after a few days the wurmple  evolved to beautifly.
Munchlax ate May's pokeball accidentally,then he became May's pokemon.

Eevee was  hatched from an egg which was given by a friend of May.

cy_lee96

14# abcsexman  
謝謝你的竟意
但想好奇問一問,你有沒有看過動畫?


另外,你那些英文簡寫我看不明白
may_ag 發表於 22/4/2010 08:22 PM

                               
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什麼英文簡寫??

還有, In the journey那句可改成during the journey!

abcsexman

我去找人借了一台有中文的電腦

翻譯我之前說的好了

第一點妳的故事好像事 先說明主角 現在的情況 在接入 過去
內容需要增加 才能形容強調文章的主題
her career is ~~~~改掉  成 他是個很棒的~~~~最棒的
以此類推

這樣子才能很順的連接下一段
旅行這一部份 trainer life 錯誤  改 Pokemon journey
這邊使用 "just" 或其他
像cy_lee96 大大那樣
at the beginnig of her Pokemon journey
自己想 類似這樣

不然故事會混亂讀者故事劇情的發展



皮卡丘方面那段句子 不適合使用 the Pikachu  
可改成 小智的皮卡丘 and his 或者是 a 後面再接 ill
用the 或 沒有 會造成句子不順暢

用his 會告訴讀者 皮卡丘是小智的
用his 最好後面不要加ill 在打個句子說明他的問題
a 會告訴 恩  遇到一個??的皮卡丘

the 除了不順暢 有點過分強調

舉列 the Pikachu song 皮卡丘的歌 <很普通
the abnormal Pikachu  感覺他有病...
要用的話 下一段句子 說明 皮卡丘的閃電abnormal類似如此
主角與小智一起想方法治療了他

下一段妳新文章的第一句 錯 用inculding 會比較好 記住and

很多大大在幫助你 妳也要認真的改 英文才會進步
也不要不同意其他大大的說法 英文文法就是這樣子

我都不怎幫你改文章  只指出什麼錯誤 是希望你能自己看見錯誤
然後改 和 增加內容

竟然很多大大都幫你改 和教妳一些新知識 妳也要記住

第一篇依然很多錯誤  
先想想為什麼錯 那裡錯 要怎麼改
英文才會進步
不然在怎麼寫英文也不會進步

不過有想進步的心很好 但是要付出一點努力
建議先多讀幾本英文書籍 看看別人是怎麼形容事物


例如 when her started her tainer'sife,she met Ash and  ill Pikachu.

這段句子我看你改過了  還是很難聽

另外 我有看過動畫 也很了解動畫
但是文章的不調諧性 也要想方法改掉

就像我之前提出  
May is the daughter of Gym leader Norman. Her dream is to become themaster of Pokemon coordinator. On the day she started her Pokemonjourney, she met Ash and his ill Pikachu.

可是讀了後面的文章 好像跟故事不連接 所以以上才會叫你那樣改
他是很棒的~~~~~~~

還有cy_lee大大提出的ill 比較適合文章  因為後面 寫者 治療
比較能讓讀者了解  或者你可以尋找其他vocab
如果你想說什麼 不正常狀態 那你需要增加文章內容



文法重要 故事順暢 也很重要

不要這樣....

你沒有看動畫嗎?
那時比卡超在電力過高的不正常狀態

相信來這論壇的都很喜愛神奇寶貝....多少都看過一兩集

當然你要用什麼的話 把這些句子 打入文章 讓讀者了解

不會的話 盡量打看看 或請求大大幫助

may_ag

14# abcsexman
謝謝你的竟意
但想好奇問一問,你有沒有看過動畫?


另外,你那些英文簡寫我看不明白

cy_lee96

May is a daughter of Gym leader Norman  . Her career is a coordinator.
when her started her tainer'sife,she met Ash and  ill Pikachu.
After they cured Pikachu ,they became friends and traveled  toge ...
may_ag 發表於 19/4/2010 10:15 PM

                               
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May hadsomepokemons, such asBlaziken, Skitty, Beautifly, Munchlax, Bulbasaur, EeveeandSquirtle.
Blazikenis the pokemon that she got first,he was given by Professor Brich.
In the journey, May metSkitty, Bulbasaur ans Squirtle respectively,andthey decided to go with May.
Maythought thatJanet's Beautiflywasvery lovely,soshe captured a wurmple,and after a few days,the wurmple evolvedintoBeautifly.
MunchlaxaccidentallyateMay'spokeball,andas a resulthe became May's pokemon.

Eevee was hatched from anegg whichwasgiven byone of her friends.


哦... 那你用回abnormal吧! 還有, 這必定是用the而非a!!

abcsexman

um....nvm
the first time I reply you I use his Pikachu
there ain't no his a Pikachu
rt now I'm just telling you if you don't want to use that
you can add his friend Pikachu

btw in lit. you can't do that
this is only wht u assume to be
not the reader, your reader won't assume that's his biological name
this is something everbody know there's a Pokemon namded Pikachu

it's like a golden retriever named golden retriever
a ill pokemon named Pikachu?

where rt now, Ash and ill Pikachu make no sense
it's awkard

Ash and his ill Pikachu
that's wht I'm saying before"detail?"

and trainer life sound awkard too
wht u want to do is Pokemon journey

idk wht is coordinator in Pokemon world
but wht you want to tell might be something like this

May is the daughter of Gym leader Norman. Her dream is to become the master of Pokemon coordinator. On the day she started her Pokemon journey, she met Ash and his ill Pikachu.

you can keep her careet is ......
then you don't have to change your plot
this just make the theme more clear

wht u do rt now is kind of like she's telling her past
if so add more to the detail to the first few sentences.
like May is a great coordinator?
if that so you might want to make a transition to emphasize
rt now you are telling the past

why I'm saying this is because the story confuse people
her career is this, and she finally decided to become ~~~

transition or change your plot
like cy_leee96 he uses Just at the ～～～～　to make a transtion


next
May has even pokemon
awkard
try ordinary
May has an ordinary team of Pokemon? something is wrong here
too tired to think rt now
maybe its better to use May has many Pokemon
get rid of the also
use something else
(including? there are ~~ in the team? idk think for yourself
it's a good way to improve ur Eng)
and the last Pokemon need to add "and"
like a, b, c, and d

like wht i told u the first time, try figure it out wht's wrong?

~夏天仔~

May(also)has(many)pokemon(s), (they're) Blaziken, Skitty, Beautifly, Munchlax, Bulbasaur, Eevee, Squirtle(respectively).
Blaziken is May('s) frist pokemon,(s)he was given by Professor Brich.
In the journey, May met (S)skitty, Bulbasaur ans(and) Squirtle repectively, they decided to go with May(can add why).
May think Janet's Beautifly is very lovely,the(n) she  captured a   wurmple and after a few day the wurmple  evolve(s) to (B)beautifly.
Munchlax ate may pokeball (accidentally)accidently,then he became May's pokemon.

只能講你冇check一次.............加上好多野突然跳出黎.....意思不明！

Eevee was  hatched from a egg which given by a friend of May.

rose~

我又來改文=]
Mayalsohaspokemons,includingBlaziken, Skitty, Beautifly, Munchlax, Bulbasaur, Eevee, Squirtle.
Blaziken is Mayfirstpokemon, he was given by Professor Brich.
In the journey, May met skitty, Bulbasaur ans Squirtlerespectively, they decided to go with May.
MaythoughtJanet's Beautiflywasvery lovely,soshe captured a  wurmple and after a fewdaysthe wurmple  evolved intobeautifly.
Munchlax ateMay'spokeballaccidentally,thenitbecame May's pokemon.

Eevee was  hatched from anegg whichwasgiven byher friend.

may_ag

May is the daughter of Gym leader Norman. Her career is a coordinator. When she started her trainer's life (或 Just at the beginning of her trainer's life, ...), she met Ash and an *abnormal Pikac ...
cy_lee96 發表於 21/4/2010 06:09 PM

                               
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謝謝
你沒有看動畫嗎?
那時比卡超在電力過高的不正常狀態

yes, you have to use a/an here
btw you can't pretend something is not human to be human

if you think using a/an to descirbe Pikachu is to dead
you can add some more details to thins sentence

s ...
abcsexman 發表於 21/4/2010 07:03 AM

                               
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我指Pikachu是他的名,不是他的種類
正如你回應我時用的Pikachu也沒有加a





我用 the 樓上教我改a 你又教改返the

cy_lee96

May is a daughter of Gym leader Norman  .Her career is coordinator.
when her started her tainer'sife,she met Ash and an abnormal pikachu.
After they cured Pikachu ,they became friends and traveled   ...
may_ag 發表於 19/4/2010 10:15 PM

                               
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May isthedaughter of Gym leader Norman. Her career isacoordinator. Whenshestarted hertrainer's life(或Just at the beginning of her trainer's life, ...),she met Ash and an*abnormal Pikachu. AfterMay and Ashcured Pikachu,May and that Pikachubecame friends,and they started travellingtogether...She was expected to become a trainer ,and followed in her father'sfootstep.
However,Had been theassiant(這是什麼字? Assistant?)of Janet in a contest(完全不明白整句的意思),she startedfalling inlovewith thecontest. She decided to become a coordinator.
Few daysafter, MayX(has)Xmet Ash, Block andher youngerbrotherMax joinedherjourney.
May often quarrelledwith Maxbutin fact, theyactually loved each other. For an example,one day, Max was lost.Mayeven choseto give up her Grand Festival (final contest) in order to find him .

*什麼abnormal?? 你究竟想形容他為什麼? 變態, 不正常, 有問題??? 如你想形容他是獨特的, 你可以用 unique這字  如你想形容他為有病的, 可改用 unwell/ sick/ ill.

總括來說... 錯漏百出... Grammar 錯了很多, 而且記得在每個標點符號後, 隔一格才繼續打。這是一般打英文的標準格式! 還有就是they的用法不夠清晰! 你指theybecame friends...意思是ash 跟may became friends 還是 ash, may+pikachu became friends??? 我卻認為你所想表示的是may+pikachu became friends, 對嗎? 因此幫你改成May and that Pikachu

不過你有決心去嘗試每星期一,三,五寫100字英文, 這是值得鼓勵的!!! 加油!!

PS: Useful website for you:
Longman Dictionary http://www.ldoceonline.com/